This is like my head.
Some day, I feel like I can be fine, and deal with everything. Some day, I am at my worst, can barely handle anything at all. At times like these, I feel like it’s probably time to get back on anti-depressant. But I don’t like the effect and I figure I need to learn how to deal with everything and not depend on the chemicals. The truth is I am so scared of losing him. I keep on contemplating whether I should go and visit him. But a part of me seems to think that it’s probably time to put my parents as the priority since I am never his. I haven’t even gone home and spent christmas with family last year. Instead, I have spent with his. It will be our 4th anniversary. I keep on justifying my thoughts by thinking that we would have so many years ahead, and I should focus on the present with family first. Tell me what should I do. He will be leaving on a trip with his friends next week and I am feeling rather off. I need peace. I try to pray every night. Hoping things would be fine soon. He has no time for me.
I couldn’t be happier to know that you try to pray at night. That’s a start. I know life is a roller coaster a lot and it makes our mind that way too. So I’m sorry.
As a sincere friend, I suggest you do spend time with your family. They need you as much as you need them. He has taken you for granted, that’s what he deserves to be alone during you guy’s anniversary. But what did they do to deserve not seeing you?
So go and love them and enjoy them as much as you can and more than you ever have. Family is so important and no matter if you’re on the low or high side of the roller coaster, they’ll keep being there for you. Go visit them, Vivian. You need a taste of true love and true love in its purest form comes only from a parent. Take care, and think about this! 
But, what if I lose him if I don’t go. Im so scared.